TEXT: Proverbs 28:13, Matthew 6:15, Ephesians 4:26, 31-32
SUBJECT: Family Life #14: Keeping Short Accounts
You know what's wrong with your family?
Sin.
When someone in your family sins, he grieves the Spirit of God, hurts himself, and disrupts the peace and happiness of the home.
Your private sins hurt your loved ones indirectly. If you harbor any of these, I urge you to confess them to God right now, and seek, by His grace, to turn from them fully and for good. This is an important topic--but not the one for today.
The family sins I have in mind are the inter-personal kind. The wrongs you do your husband or wife, your parents or kids, grandparents or others living in the home.
ADMISSION
Let's start with the obvious. We've all committed these sins. Some may be big (like adultery); others may be small (like an unkind word now and then), but big or small they keep your family from being what God wants it to be.
Your job is not to parcel out blame--60% to your spouse, 39% to the kids, and maybe 1% to you (after all, no one's perfect!).
Your job is to do what you can do to promote the peace and godliness of your family. Romans 12:8 says,
"As much as lies it you, live peaceably with all men".
I know you're eager to straighten out others. But are you willing to straighten out yourself? Until you are, you're in no condition to do them good.
If you're mostly to blame, our Lord says,
"First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck out of your brother's eye".
Notice carefully, a sense of great sin does not absolve you from your duty of helping others repent. Quite the opposite, it urges you to repent immediately, so that you can be of help to others.
If you're mostly innocent, Paul says, Galatians 6:1. Even the holiest person has to "Consider himself" before straightening out others.
CONFESSION
How do you do that? How do you make things right in your home? Since all sins are primarily against God, you start off by confessing your sins to Him and asking Him to forgive your sins for Christ's sake, I John 1:9.
That's where you start making things right at home. But you don't stop there!
APOLOGY
If you've mistreated someone at home, you must apologize to him or her. It doesn't matter if you're the husband or the wife, the parent or the child, the older brother, the younger sister, or anyone else!
Matthew 5:23-24 gives the rule:
"Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift."
Let me apply this to family life.
1. To husbands. If you have not loved your wife or given her the leadership she needs, she has "something against you". Apologize to her. Today.
2. To wives. If you have not respected your husband or submitted yourself to him, he has "something against you". Tell him you're sorry. Today.
3. To parents. If you have provoked your children to wrath, they have "something against you". Apologize to them. As soon as possible.
4. To kids. If you have not honored and obeyed your parents, they have "something against you". Tell them you're sorry. Without delay.
5. To brothers and sisters. If you have fought with, excluded, or teased the other kids, they "have something against you". Why don't you make things right with them today?
This is God's Law for your family. Everyone sins. But not everyone apologizes. Joshua 24:15.
What keeps you from apologizing? Everything that does is condemned by God's Word. Such as...pride, stubbornness, self-righteousness, contempt, cowardice, the fear of man, and so on.
Repent of these things and you'll make things right at home.
BAD APOLOGIES
"All apologies are not created equal". Some are nothing but words--"I'm sorry". Others are superficial--apologizing for isolated misdeeds without addressing the sin that lies behind them--"I did something wrong", but never "I am wrong".
Another bad apology is the kind that ends with "but". "I shouldn't have done that, but..." But what? "But really it's your fault".
A forced apology is also bad. This is when you say, "I'm sorry" only to get want you want. Or after someone shames it out of you.
The worst apology is one without any real desire for change. You confess your sins, you cry, you plead for forgiveness, but you have no interest in changing your evil ways.
A GOOD APOLOGY
Let me describe a good apology.
1. It is sincere. You say you're sorry and mean it.
2. It is deep. If the offense is more than a mistake, you apologize--not only for doing wrong, but for being wrong.
3. It is responsible. Maybe the other person started the fight, but you apologize for what you did wrong--without referring to the other person's guilt.
4. It is humble. Not demanding forgiveness, but asking for it.
5. It is quick. Apologize as soon as possible. Ephesians 4:26. Not every "issue" can be solved before sundown. But, the "issue" is not the problem. The problem is the hard feelings, the ugly words, and so on, that surround it. Clear up these things and the issue becomes easier to solve.
5. It is repentant. It leads to change.
FORGIVENESS
Apologies must be followed by forgiveness. On this point, you have no choice. God commands it and--somehow or another--your salvation depends on it.
1. The command, Ephesians 4:32.
2. The warning, Matthew 6:15,
"But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses".
I'm not sure I can explain how this squares with justification by faith alone. But I don't want to risk it! I know good and well that if I hold sins against my wife or children (or someone else), God will hold my sins against me. And that is not a pleasant thought! Psalm 143:2.
Forgiving others does not depend on your feelings. It is a duty to forgive them even if you don't feel like it!
On this point, we often put the cart before the horse. We try to "feel forgiving" before we actually "forgive". In fact, you'll never feel that way until you forgive. For the very word, "forgive" means "to let go of". It's not till you "let go of" the offense that you can be rid of the alienation or bitterness it causes.
Does forgiveness wipe out the consequences of sin? No it doesn't. An unfaithful man cannot expect his wife to trust him the minute he apologizes. What it does is make reconciliation possible. Once an apology is offered and accepted, the couple or family can begin to work things out.
Forgiveness is not easy. But forgive you must. Especially at home. To help you do it, keep two things in mind:
1. How greatly and often you have sinned against God.
2. How freely and often He forgives you, Ephesians 4:32.
Go home today and apologize for the wrongs you've done your husband or wife, your children or parents, your brothers or sisters. And forgive those who've done you wrong. If you do this--I promise--your home will be happier and holier than it is right now. It won't be perfect, but it will be better.
The Love of God be with you! For Christ's sake. Amen.
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